There has been lot of occasions I wanted to describe my experience and many asked me to write on this and speak on this but only on few occasions I spoke a bit but to reduce it to words was a very difficult task but today since its been three years from now, I decided to write something if not exactly what was the experience.
This day is very special to me, in fact this day cannot be reduced to words. It was this day two years ago all my efforts were futile, all my prayers were answered, all my meditation bear fruits. I now remember that day of 30 October 2008 where I was in Himalayan mountains little far away from Rishikesh. I went there first time in 2005 and felt very strong closeness towards that place like its a special place to me where something great can happen, something divine can happen but it was not clear what can it be. I was trying everything that was possible to reach that eternal reality in my past lives but it was not happening. My prayers were not answered and my effort, struggle was all turned down. Nothing was really happening. Today, I understand why it was not happening because the very desire to reach that point was my barrier and obstacle which was preventing me to meet the god. That desire was the barrier. When ever there is desire in something it can never be possible as Desire creates a ego and that ego will prevent from everything that can happen. I now understand that even urge to know the god is also a barrier. I share this view with all my students today but then it was different with me. To reach that point one should meditate, one should seek for blessings and without seeking nothing will happen. Until baby cries it won't get the food and only after it cries mother gets to know the hunger of the child and gives the food and even the blessings of god is the same. One needs to seek but everything has a point where it has to reach saturation, when I said saturation yes there is point at which even that has to stop. We need a flight to move to another country, during the journey we will love out trip, love everything in the flight including the people around, the comforts of the flight etc etc but at some point when it lands we have to leave it behind and should go ahead with our journey. In the same way is seeking. It should be dropped at some point. Only with our efforts also nothing is possible, this we know throughout the life as we need blessings of the God also so only seeking or only effort is not the one which leads any where but still its needed and along with that one needs to be blessed also.
I left all my desires to even seek, dropped all my efforts as something was happening inside which was very strange to me. It was really strange and feeling like something drastic is going to happen. Something very significant but it was unclear what exactly was that. I was even thinking that may be my death is near by, it was really strange. I remained silent to just face the reality, and was ready for what so ever is going to happen. It was just 10 days before that something started to happen, These ten days I did nothing because when nothing was happening what can you do? There was no hope of anything. I did all that anyone could do but nothing was happening so best thing was to stop and just observe. In this period there was something that started to happen. This day was very significant as all my efforts was dropped, my seeking for truth stopped, now if something was suppose to happen then it was the right time to happen. I became absolutely still and something started to come out of me, a energy from no where started to flow in me, it started arose, there was a great energy activity which was so complete. It was not coming from any particular source or any perticular point but from every where, it was coming from nowhere, from everywhere. It was coming from the nature around me, from everything that I could spot, from the plants, trees, rocks, earth, sky, air, water, sun, every where that one could think of. Always I was thinking that it will come from some where and it was far away from me, truth is far away and not so easily reachable but I was so wrong that everything is hereNow and not NOwhere, it was close to me all the time and i was always in that but never knew it before until this started to happen with me. My seeking was always for something outside, its very common as we come from religious beliefs, mind is always outside in duality so seeking was really bad. One should stop seeking outside and as long as its outside nothing is going to happen. You cannot seek for something which is already in you, which is already there but one can seek for something which you do not have. You can seek for a thing which you do not have but can never seek for something which you already have and this was understood to me now. Now I started to see things which is close to me, near to me and stopped being far-sighted.
The only thing that can hold back someone is the ego, ego is of self. Many of the people even today have misunderstood the advaitha philosophy and they keep on saying "I am God", These are purely Dogmas and half baked knowledge. Advaitha says "We are drops in the ocean and drops have no existence when fallen to ocean but they are again drops and not the ocean itself". This is what ego of self can do for oneself. We should stop to feed our ego of self. Its like watering a plant and the moment you stop watering it, the ego stops. It gets destroyed. Then we will know even we do not exist and its only god which exists. This is very important as the ego will only create more desires and desires will create more and more illusions which will block our way to divinity. The whole purpose of ego, the whole existence of ego is always in the future. Desires are in the future and never be in now, at this present. Ego always projects, plans, so its very important for one to understand to be in the present because in present there cannot be any ego. Its impossible for anyone to have ego if they live in the present. Now when I said just ten days before I stopped doing everything rather everything was stopped that very desire or thirst for seeking stopped. So there was no desire no projections nothing. It came to a stand still. To reach this point its not possible from life thats the reason why I said that I have been trying since several lives to reach this point. Soul has to go through several evolution only then its possible. In fact one of the other day everyone have to reach this point. It can happen anytime. No one can go there very easily and also its not that if you run fast and do some great technique you will reach there soon, its not possible. What so ever you do it will happen only when it should happen but at the same time effort should not be stopped. I have said in one of my quotes "The more you run behind something, farther it moves away from you". This is what I wanted to say in that quote. I stopped moving towards anything, just became still and silent and left everything to existence. Only then something started to happen. When you become absolutely innocent and leave everything on the existence and say nothing is yours, everything is existence then thats pure surrenderance and out of that surrenderance comes a great energy out of no where. Now this is what started to happen. This comes out of mere helplessness, desirelessness. I have read a story. Once Krishna was about to have a lunch and his wife was bringing him the food and the moment she wanted to keep his plate on the table he just ran away from the door and his wife was quizzed. Then she decided ti take his plate off from the table but from no where he came back and sat on the same table, now his wife got confused and asked him the reason for sudden running as if there was fire in the whole city and coming back as it nothing has happened, then Krishna replied "Beloved Wife, there was a devotee of mine who was attacked by some robbers and out of helplessness he was shouting my name so I went to help him there but when I reached the spot he stopped taking my name but took arms in his own hand and started to fight so why should I fight when he can do it on his own? So, I returned back". This is how existence is, when you think you can do it and its all yours then that ego will be your barrier but when you surrender then whole existence will conspire for your journey towards it. Firstly, You have to disappear, you should cease to exist, you should understand that you are not on your own only then miracles will start to happen. I understood this in my those few days. In those ten days. In those ten days as i started ti approach for the final day there was more and more energy, more and more bliss, more and more consciousness. This is the time when I experienced the true being of present. There was nothing of the past in my mind and only present was the state. On the day before it was really strange feeling because something was telling that it will be death, the experience of this moment is very difficult to bring into words because its very immense state of being in bliss and very difficult to reduce to words. In sanskrit people have explained this state as SAT-CHIT-ANANDA but even this word falls short to that real feeling and only when you have this experience you will know it else it will be only in words. All my past was disappearing, nothing had significance of what has happened in the past, all my past was looking bleak, nothing was existing except the present. Nothing really looked meaningful of the past. As the day passed even mind started to disappear, a no-mind state. This state was very different from what I had been experiencing till this happened. There was too much bliss and it was difficult to handle, even it started to pain and this pain was due to too much pleasure. It was all strange because this was so much immense experience which never ever happened. It was a feeling of having a new birth. Those times in October the temperature was low in mountains and we were using mostly camp-fire to heat up our body and we were sleeping early in the night so that we get up early in the morning. I was living in a small cave house on the mountains. On that fateful day I went to sleep at the mid-night and to be honest it was a different sleep because only the eyes were closed, body was relaxing but I was still awake. I could even hear my own breath. Everything was strange but I was ready for it and to face anything that comes my way. Whole body was relaxing, completely sleeping and relaxing but consciousness is totally awake and at its peak. I was able to feel the difference between me and body. It was duality inside me here. Now this was the time for "Supreme Soul meeting Soul". You will be shocked and scared at this moment because of the energy which will be experienced at this very moment which is so strong and tremendous. Suddenly I woke up from the sleep now, it was in the mid-night, It was a wake up call ad not my decision to wake up. There was something which woke me up. It was THAT, not me again, nothing was mine at this moment and in fact nothing is ever ours. There was a great tremendous energy in my room. Whole room, camp fire everything looked very charged up, the presence of some force was very intense and out of words. It was presence of Bliss, Peace, Silence, something great which cannot be just said. It was joy, everything. I was just immersed in it. In front of this reality, this energy everything else was looking as unreal, totally meaningless, what else can be so meaningful and grateful than THAT Reality. Nothing can be something in front of it. It was so real and everything else was unreal to me. This was the only moment in my life which was not of maya everything else in this world are maya but only this reality is not because only this reality exists. This might be like a theoretical story but only a person of this experience can understand what it really looks like, what it really feels. In front of that reality which is the only reality in this existence everything else looks unreal because when you have a greater reality the lesser know loses its meaning and when you have the greatest one then everything else loses its meaning and this is what I am trying to say here. You dream of being a President of a country but when you wake up in the morning you are just a employee in some company and now when compared to the reality of life that dream became meaningless and like wise when compared to know reality the lesser know will lose its importance.
This experience gave me the real meaning of what is reality and what is illusion. It was my meeting with this fact face to face for the first time. Till this time I had only read in the books about these words extensively used but never had a real experience so now this became reality. At this moment a new world was opened, a new dimension, a new reality which you can call by what ever name you want like God, Reality, Existence but for me it was IT thats all. It was having no shape or size or name or nothing. It was there everywhere and the presence was felt everywhere. It was not a solid appearance, it was there. In simple words it was like a colorless jelly which is so soft and so transparent that you can touch it but still not any shape or size. It was so strong and now it was really a difficult feeling because to meet that may be I was not yet ready but it was there. It was all happening in that room. It was too much for me and just wanted to go away from that place, it was unbareble. Whole being was vibrating very intensely and it was not possible for me to stay even for a single second more so just moved out without any more thought and now there was another beautiful world. There was everything beautiful and blissful around me, the sky which is so clear as in mountains unlike cities there will not be any lights so all the stars will be visible so brightly. The trees, rocks, mountains everything looked with lot of life and joy. Its such a phenomenon of seeing the THAT, everything else looks so small in front of that, even the universe looks nothing in front of that. There was a place where I use to meditate everyday, I wanted to move towards it but there was a miracle that without my efforts I started moving towards it, It was completely under the influence of THAT everything was happening and now nothing was mine, not even the smallest of efforts. There was no influence of any other forces on me except that, it was a great energy which was ruling me. I was completely under the hands of that. Now came the experience of what I said earlier that, I was a drop till now and now jumped into the ocean, it was a meeting of drop with ocean and now no more there was drop, there was only ocean. I was that ocean, with no limitations, a complete. I disappeared and only THAT existed. I moved towards my meditation place so blissful, happily with no efforts and it was only God which was there and not me anymore. Everything was done by god, it was purely the gods grace. Religions have spoiled that beautiful, powerful energy with so many names and forms and sizes and made it look very much confined but in reality there is no confinement, its beyond everything, beyond the beyondness. There was so much energy in me now that nothing seemed impossible. When God is there then what can be impossible? God was the fast flowing water in which I was just traveling just like boat with motor behind it. I was the boat and the motor was the god. In this moment whole nature became so much blissed, everything looked in a totally different dimension with completely full of life, even sky looked with completed bliss, plants, trees, flowers, grass, rocks, the house, everything in nature and the place where i used to sit was in nature where there is lot of beautiful trees and its so cool to sit under it and it for the first time looked so bright as if it has caught fire. It was tremendous experience. These trees called me close to it, I should rather say God choose that for me and go and feel the bliss under it. It was all gods decision, gods grace, gods energy. Now it was complete slowly slowly I was coming out of that state of samadhi. I was getting normal. I had no watch so its difficult to say what time it must have started but may be it must have started at mid-night and when i returned to my room in the morning it was five o clock thirty five minutes so may be this must have happened for about five hours. Those five hours of samadhi was everything and in fact it cannot be called as time and the very moment was timeless and it was dating with timeless, shapeless, nameless, great source of energy which is the eternal, creationless creation. From this day I have become very strong from inside and this strength is that of gods grace, gods energy flowing in me. I am not the body anymore but a spirit soul moving around myself. All theories became reality. My being became bliss and my strength was love. Silence was natural being in me. I became very powerful, this power is not of any dictators but the power of love, the power to transform, the power of being. This power is again of not hurting anyone but compassion. From this day I started to sleep only for 2 hours a day. All my students and friends ask me how can I manage to sleep so less so now you have the answer. Its only body which relaxes but my being is always awake, moving around the body. I am here and will be here till the god is willing me to, and its the decision of THAT which has kept me still in the body. Thats the thread between soul and the body. God wants me to be here to share the things that I know and have experienced so its the gods will which has kept me here for people who need me. Now I was completely out of Illusion. World was only a illusion and when I say world is illusion it doesn't mean everything is unreal here. Trees, Plants, Sky everything is real but they change from one day to another so we say that its unreal and its also unreal because it doesn't exist freely but exists in god. So the way we see is what matter while understanding the reality and illusion. God is world, God is existence, God is everything, in everyone and everywhere and its only god which exists. Illusion or ego will prevent people from seeing this reality, its like having dust in the eye which makes one see only dust not the reality so this dust can be cleared when ego goes away, when its free from illusions. If illusion is there then there is duality that world is different and god is different, that god is there in some place, some where, etc etc but once a person is out of illusion then only one can see that everything is god and nothing exists only god exists.
This point is the goal of life, this point is the destiny of life. Just understand one thing often people ask me what technique is fast to arrive at this state and what efforts are needed? Without effort you will never reach it, with effort nobody has ever reached it, yes the statement looks contradictory but thats how it is. You will need great effort, and only then there comes a moment when effort becomes meaningful. But it becomes meaningful only when you have come to the very peak of it, never before it, this peaks comes over evolution of several lives and several lives of such great efforts or summation of small efforts. When you have come to the very pinnacle of your effort ,all that you can do you have done, this is what Krishna means when he says "Do what ever you can and leave the rest to me" only then suddenly there is no need to do anything any more. Everything will happen on its own. You can become intense only by great efforts by putting all your heart and soul into in, having great faith in the reality which is the only reality of the existence with tremendous surrender. This comes the moment you think you are no-self and by having this one becomes no-desire and no-ego. Meditation becomes easy and meditation is not closing eyes and sitting or chanting some mantra or doing some sadhana but just doing whatsoever you do with great awareness. Only then that Tsunami of Bliss, That Tsunami which we call as God can descend on us. Do not try to force yourself in anything, just be natural. If you force yourself then its not meditation. Meditation is possible only when even the person meditating disappears and only pure consciousness remains. Arrive at this stage and see miracles happening.
Its been Three years from now that I arrived at that point where mind ceased to exist becoming a no-mind, even myself ceased to exist and its only god which exist. It was a death and was a rebirth what we call as Resurrection. It was death because all those useless things which was till then died and new world was introduced and reality was witnessed so it was a real birth and its eternity. It was my date with with Death, Re-Birth and with the Ultimate Truth or Reality which we call as GOD.
Love & Bliss to you,
Acharya Shree Shankar